Dante said “A mighty flame follows a tiny spark”.

As we begin a new year, we as a people, as a society tend to want to start new.  We create new goals, new resolutions, new pictures of what we want our year to look like.

Thinking about last year, or even years prior I thought about all the decisions I made and where those decisions have lead me.  What were the tiny sparks that created mighty flames?  This question resembles another question that comes up for me often; which wolf am I feeding when making a decision.

You’ve heard the story of the two wolves?  It is a Cherokee story regarding a boy talks to his grandfather who is experiencing anger towards another boy.  The grandfather tells the boy about how he has struggled with emotions like the ones his grandson has experienced.  He goes on to tell the boy about how he has felt like he has two wolves that live inside of him.  One wolf is good and does no harm, the other wolf is full of anger and wants to fight everyone.  The grandfather goes on to say that it can be difficult living with both of these wolves inside him, both trying to dominate his spirit. The boy then asks the grandfather, ‘which one wins?’.  To which the grandfather answers, the one you feed.

It is tremendously enlightening to hear this story and think about not only what  wolf I feed, but what sparks feed the flames.

For example, if I have a conflict with someone, I try to be very aware of my feelings and whether my nervous system is in crisis.  There is alot of effort in determining my needs in that moment of not only myself but of the person I may be in conflict with.  From there, it is now purely automatic to tap my wrist or chest to let my body know I’m ok which then allows my breathing to calm and my brain to slow down.  From there, what do I want to happen, what spark do I need to light, which wolf will I feed?

Little sparks can lead to flames that are not always helpful or beneficial.  For example, we all have those triggers that put us right into a behavior or thought that lead us down that same hole from which we need to dig ourselves out of.  Think about a situation that may have happened over the last 12 months and think about how you reacted.  Did you react with rage, did you react by withdrawing, did you float into people pleasing, did you fly into being passive-aggressive?  This is where we hit our fight, flight, fawn or freeze response.  Was there any time between the stimulus of what happened to the response you came up with?  Many times, we don’t pause, we simply react.  If we are reacting, we are igniting a spark, and feeding that darn wolf who reacts in a fit of rage.  Should we pause and respond, we could then be igniting a spark of respect, feeding the wolf of hope and patience.

We can’t always go back and fix the sparks and often the flames may be too large to extinguish.  However, we certainly can choose to feed the wolf of positivity and encouragement and that may help diminish that flame.  While we do that, we can ignite a spark of light.  A spark that we can nurture and strengthen with harmony will create the flame we need while we come into contact with those conflicts.

My wish for you for these first days of a new year is to breathe, pause and feed the wolf who wants harmony and strike a spark that creates the flame of love and light.  Keep stoking the embers of that flame.  Practice practice practice.

To a new slate and new flame!

If you are struggling with how you respond or react and want to know how to light your spark, feel free to reach out.